Part 9 Ramblings

The last two days have been cooler and wet. Monday was movies and groceries. Tuesday was just movies. Today was a cool and wet day, just stayed home and work on my nails. Did wear heels, gets my feet used to wearing them all day. Listen to some heavy metal and Emerson Lake and Palmer. Love their use of themes of classical music. As I do have a quite exhaustive collection of that. JS Bach - Mozart - Beethoven. Love the keyboard stuff mainly.

Not really doing any special dress up. Just leggings under my nightgown. Leggings are much nicer then old jeans, sorry Joanna. Did switch to a tank top to get mail. I live on a fairly busy street, and don't want too much attention. Plus when US Mail person or UPS guy comes, not too weird looking. Maybe when warmer weather comes I will get out more. I guess I don't look too weird, as people don't even pay attention. In the old days, that was the ultimate, to dress and people not staring.

I also maintain a presence on NGN, the female site, as I am that. Most women don't do CD, or even girlie dressing on there. It is after all our normal clothes. When I was a working stiff, wore simple clothes, but always would wear colorful and fancy underwear. Most of the women get naked for sexual fun. I have been thinking of what kind of pics to post there. Probably just the usual playing with myself, with just a pair of pantys on. I am still too shy for naked activity.

There is not a lot of activity there. They do get some of the same problems. Guys getting in and showing their junk. Not a big hit on a female site. Not sure what the guys are thinking.

Not sure what gets me excited more the women there or the gurls on here. They both get me excited differently. There is a lot more of the sexy talk play on here.

Something I have seen, is a thing called squirting, is were a woman has both a vaginal and clitoral orgasm and the bladder muscles relax and squirt. It is something very interesting.

Not sure about tomorrow, but Friday will be movies and groceries again.

I do live a boring life after all.

I have been asked what the transition of body was like. I am sure most on here, do not want details on that. Suffice to say it is painful, as most surgery's are. My partner would say it was like sitting on a hot fire hydrant.

Georgette

Part 8 - Ramblings

Fridays and Sundays activities help get me out of my Funk lately.

Not much today, went to the movies, did some grocery shopping. Wore my red skull top and jeans, starting to warm up, NO coat.

Redoing my nails again, chip and split problems. Didn't even do any special Dress Up, just my normal stuff. Took off outside clothes, put leggings and tank top on.

Just chillin and relaxing.

Emailed my sister, with some of the photos, she didn't see me dressed up, when I was younger. I usually just wore simple clothes to family activities. Told her about my fun FRI evening. Her newest grandchild, a boy was delivered early. You know you are getting old, when your nieces/nephews are having children. Never really missed getting married and having children myself.

Loaded some more CDs into my iTunes on PC. Manowar - love heavy metal, probably listen tomorrow.

Georgette

Part 7 - Ramblings

Found a bunch of old photos and scanned the best. Uploaded today, and it has been crazy. The amount of views and comments and votes is overwhelming for me. I made the front page, with a old non-sexual photo. The support on this site is just so great.

Seeing the front page photo caused me to break down and cry. My late Partner, my wasted years of inattention to myself. There was even a photo of Susan, my first female lover and 1st Lesbian lover. We did things together that I couldn't imagine before. I was a complete failure as a male lover before my transition. I really haven't had a good cry, since my Partner of 35-40 years died.

Looking at the photo reminded me that I couldn't handle all the new attention I got from men. Buy me a drink and I couldn't resist. I didn't do all the changes and transition just to become a sex object. I imagine on here that sounds like NO problem. But I was a very naive person, with NO previous experience.

I would like to Thank all the people on here for their support of me. There have been so many new names, beside all the usual ones.

Georgette

Part 6 - Ramblings.

Switched to Parts instead of Days.

Might be coming out of my Funk for now.

Friday I got together with a group of my people, in various stages of their life. There was a general get together, about 12 of us. After, we went to a local diner for food and talk, till past 1 am. It was not a sexual meeting, but we did talk about lots of various sex. Was much joking and laughter. I think we embarrassed the waitress many times. Not a quiet bunch.

There was even some TransMen. never knowingly met any before. We all have the same problems and confusions. Don't know if any here have some of the same, or know any others.

Can't give details, privacy and all. But one woman recognized my name, when I mentioned my name and company I transitioned with. She work for the same company in the 80s. Apparently I was a minor celebrity, for all my work and situation with that company. She said it was not any negative talk, but very positive. Makes me very happy to know I helped others along the way. Making me tear up with happiness, I know just another emotional woman.

I need to do this more often, and intend to. They meet every month, to talk about problems and stuff.

Maybe my isolation now is why I have been feeling so down. I was one of the oldest, and have transitioned so many years ago. I am glad that there has been many on here that have given me some feeling of belonging.

Georgette

Day 5 - actually skipped a day - Ramblings

I have had a 2 day funk now. Been listening to some hard and metal rock both days. Crank it up to ear splitting levels. Used to due this a lot when younger, when I couldn't dress.

A few new remembrances.

After HS, and the move from IL to MD, we lived in a small apartment until our new house was built. I stayed at an Aunt/Uncles house. It was more isolated. Their son was in Vietnam, and their daughter was married, and moved out.

So I was by myself during the week, they had another place in town. This was ideal, as I slept in the daughters old bedroom. Still had a some of her old clothes. WOW, what a time was that.

They even had a 2nd car in the garage. Did not have a driver license, but managed to teach myself. Another one of my stupid things, would get dressed up and drive around. Mostly back roads, but a few outings to a more populated area. If I ever got stopped, my world would go crashing down.

Did this for 6 months until I went in to the NAVY.

Another stupid time was when in NAVY, living on base. There was a small forested area, on a hill, overlooking the main base. I got some clothes, hide them there, and would dress and just look at everything going on. If caught I could've been in big trouble.

Looking back on all this, I have been very lucky. So many times I could have been in big trouble. Others have mentioned the overwhelming compulsion of dressing. I guess for me it was even more then that. Looking back it was inevitable what my future was to be. Later on people would ask how I knew what was to be my future. It had nothing to do with dressing, as that was not always a big turn on, just piece of mind. I did not think of it as sexual stuff. Never even thought of it as wanting men.

Some have mentioned bravery and courage, I think it has been a lot of stupidity at times, with a lot of luck.

Georgette

Day 4 of Life.
Went shopping and to the bank today. Sunny but Windy as all get out. Hair was flying everywhere.

Our family consisted of 2 older and 1 younger brother and 1 very younger sister, 10 years my junior. She was adopted, found out later she was the daughter of a 1st cousin in Baltimore, she was only 15-16 so could not keep. My mother always wanted a daughter. We lived in Chicago, so it worked out for the whole family. She would tell me at times I was supposed to be a girl. In 1950, I guess doctors could tell if boy/girl by heartbeat or something. I guess that is why I am so fucked up, always contrary.

My mother did not believe in hard/fast rules on gender roles. We did the dishes, cleaning some and all the yard work. We would do many things together, make cookies at Xmas time. Projects that would come up on public television and stuff. When my sister came around, she would have us feed her, help to wash in the tub, take her out in her stroller for walks. She was the little baby for all of us.

My younger brother was finishing college. We would go on job searches together. We were only 1.5 years apart, and did most things together. Not dressing though, don't know if he knew I did. Our family was not big on talking about such things. We were both big movie watchers, 2-3 a week at times. We are still big movie watchers. He did not have a car yet. He found a job with the US DoD as a programmer. I found a job with a company that did contractor work for the US, mostly DoD. It required a Top Secret clearance, so did his.

Living at my parents, so not much dressing going on. Found out about a group of TVs, and got invited to a monthly party. Mostly older men, some with their wives. Most would get dressed after getting there. Mostly just guys dressed and talking and getting to know one another. No sexual stuff that I knew of.

It was at one of these that I made friends with one who became my partner. We got talking and found that just dressing was not our long term solution. She had left her marriage so she could pursue her long term life. She had a shop in Gaithersburg MD, where she lived in an apartment on the 2nd floor. I would go there a we would dress and just relax watching television. We would occasionally play with each other. There was another person who's only goal was to dress occasionally. We became the 3 musketeers. We would meet separately from the parties.

After a year of living at home, I moved to an apartment on my own. I was then free to go out on outings as the 3 musketeers. Found a Lesbian club in DC, that was friendly to TVs and Drag Queens. We went there almost every FRI/SAT nite till they closed.

This went on for a year, then my partner and myself moved into a small townhouse, and later an apartment together. We still did all the clubbing together. During this time she went full time, and had her surgery. I would follow her track about a year later.

Some time in here I went to my mother to tell her all about my decisions. One of the hardest things to do. She opened up to me about her past. 2 Previous marriages. Told me about where my baby sister came from. If my mother said everything was OK, the rest of the family went along. My father worked for the money and let my mother make all the home decisions.

Part of my track meant I had to let my employer know about my goals. I had probably gave people some idea. Let my hair grow, and curl and shape it. Had my ears pierced. Nowadays such things are not too awkward, but in the late 1970s, not at all common. There was a younger women working there, and we had formed a bond of sorts. She would wear a certain pair of pants, and I had mentioned to her I liked them. She said she didn't care for them, and gave them to me.

I had the doctors letters and just worked up the courage to tell them. I guess it didn't throw them too much. Wanted to know if I wanted to work at a different facility. I opted to stay there. They said OK, but to use the upper level bathrooms, where I was not known much.

As I worked on big computers, wearing a dress was out of the idea. So I would wear female pants, and blouses, or sweaters. I had my hair long enough so did not have to wear a wig. The other, all guys, did not say or worry about what was happening. I did have to take off medical leave for a month or so, then went right back to work.

I guess the next blog will continue next time.

Georgette

Day 3 of Life.
Not much going on around here.

When in the Navy, and living off base, got into a bit of trouble. I had a DoD Top Secret + clearance. In my 4th year of 6, I started to venture out and about. Get dressed and ride around. No wig, would just use a head scarf. Get fully dressed and some makeup.

One time on a driving around, must have gotten into a limited neighborhood. A local cop stopped me, and I freaked out. After he checked my military ID, asked what I was doing. Told him just driving around. He gave me a verbal warning, made a reference to what I was wearing.

He must have called the local Navy submarine base, as I got a call from some superior. Had to explain what happened. He then referred me to a Navy Psychiatrist. 2nd visit in my life. He asked all the usual psycho babble. Convinced it had no Homosexual connotation, he then had me go back to work. Don't know if my CO / XO were told of what happened.

Later as I was getting near my last year, my submarine I was on was going to its yard period. Didn't extend my tour, so was to be transferred to Hawaii to work in the training center. Before that happened, the Chief of Navel Personnel asked if I wanted to get a Convenience of Government discharge. I said sure, tired of playing Sailor Boy. Figure they didn't want to go though all the Clearance stuff again.

Only served a 4 yr 11 month 3 days, of a 6 yr tour.

Got out and returned to my parents home in MD.

The start of my next step in life next time.

Georgette

Well here it is day 2 of Ramblings. This is a way to document my years. And a little cathartic to get it out.

Got out and about today, nice and sunny but breezy.

My mind isn't as good as some on here. I can't remember my first time dressing. Nor did I have any early sexual contacts.

Maybe about 10 or so, I think I did identify as female. Had two girls in school, I kinda tried to hang with. Not interested as a boy to girl. I just wished I could be them. They are the only 2 people I can remember their names after all these years. I probably tried dressing about this time also.

As some on here, as I would play dress-up, my mother would find things. I would say I wouldn't do it again, but always would. I can remember the first time I got the nerve to buy something. It was the early 1960s, they had patterned pantyhose coming out, you know with the early mod fashions and stuff. Went to a store that I didn't usually frequent, bought a pair trying not to talk with the sales people.

To young for a wig, and my mother believed in short hair. I would wear a head scarf, and make believe. I did not always masturbate, and if I did, would not use my hand. I would tuck, and make believe some one else was doing it.

When I was about 12. I was a little bit of a thief at times, to get clothes and stuff. That led to my first time to visit a psychiatrist. I foolishly had written a list of stuff to look for. When caught and taken to the police station. They got my
parents, and made it a condition to be released. Too young anyways for prosecution, but I was scared as hell.

This went on and on until I joined the Navy at 18, after HS. It slowed me down, as NO place to do it. When I was able to live off base, I started back up with a vengeance.

Leave further adventures till next time.

Georgette

I decided to start a blog to just ramble about anything or everything.

Most of this will be non sexual in nature, as that is my current life. I hope to be able to turn that around.

From my profile you can glean some of my life. Just turned 64 in NOV 2014. My Life Partner, Significant Other, or whatever one wants to call it died in OCT 2014. We were like an old sexless married couple. She was 79. Lived with her for some 35 years, so I do miss her, someone to talk and argue with at times. I tend to talk and ramble at times. I started to re-assess my life. I would dress conservatively for work. Work on Computers, so I would dress in pants and simple tops. Very mono-chromatic.

I retired in OCT 2011, so have NO reason to stay that way. My whole family knows all about me, except for sexual stuff.

I came across this site by accident, thought it might give me others to interact with. I have never been so open with so many before. I tend to be painfully shy with new people in person, but have found some very nice and open people here.

If you read this and just want to talk, let me know. I have a different background from most on here, and I am sure many have very different experiences then I.

Georgette