(updated 1-17-2014) Im a silky smooth transvestite. I love being a transvestite. Im NOT a transexual. I like dressing and appearing as a woman.And to at least be thought of at least as a gay femm. But theres more to it than just that outer appearrence that you all see. Internally, I've always had these odd thoughts and feelings that manifested itself outwardly as seen in my photos. But there was a state of mind that drove me to this, and those feelings are still prevalent today. The first really strong feelings appeared the summer I was 12 years old. Looking at family photos shows how feminine appearing my body was. I even had little titties sticking out about 3 inches. We got short haircuts in those days snd on me, it made me look butch'ly feminine. And this is no shit, Boys were ALWAYS touchimg and rubbing against me. Once, 3 of them got me down and held me while one rubbed my legs and the other shot a water gun at my crotch and wetted me there. I don't remember them hurting me. I distinctly remember my confusion afterward. Nothing of this nature occurred again until the next summer right after I turned 13. Behind where we lived, across the alley, there was a man who lived with 2 sistersand the daughter of one of the sisters. The man was divorced and I think the sisters were too. But It don't actually matter. What does matter though, is one afternoon, for some reason, I was over there, only the man was there, and he was doing something in his basement. (access was from outside) So I went down there, just talking, and after a few min's, he dripped down and put his face in front of my shorts, as I stood there transfixed. He pulled my denim shorts down (no underwear),told me I had a beautiful little petter(his words exactly and I do distinctly remember that I did not have any hair growth down there yet) and would I let him kiss it? My memory is that I just stood there froze and speechless. But he did take my cock into his mouth(now, up to that point, I did not know humans engaged in such things) But I did not stop him and I guess I didn't want to. Pretty soon, he wet his middle finger, and started friggin me. It wassent long before the whole thing began to catch up to me and it all began to feel really good. Clearly, this was the first time I was ever sexually excited but I only got semi hard because of the shook of it all I suppose. I stuck that little pennie out for him to suck on and he did it good,& it turned me on for the first time, it went on and on and I got more into it because the sensations he was giving me from his touching my lips and pushing in until he penetrated me while he sucked on me, and then, I had my very first orgasim. I can't remember if anything cam out of me. If any did, he sucked it all up. I don't have any memory of what occurred after that, I don't remember where I went or what I did but I do kinda remember how I felt different after that. Latter, I went back to him and did it With him again, and again. This affair continued for over 2 years. At first All we did was, he'd suck me off, and I'de jack him off. But he was always wanting me to suck his big cock and the thought frightened me and I resisted, for a long time. Some times he got force full and finally, one day, I just lost it and the next thing I knew, I was chocking on his cock. I just started sucking up n down and he came in my mouth. And it was aufull. I almost threw up. But I did it many many more times. I got use to it. I'de just rinse my mouth out afterward. But the big event, the life changing event was the first time he fucked my. He had me take a warm bath before hand, then he helped me use one of those rubber water bottle things with the long hose with the knozzle and stuck it deep inside me and douched me out and then we went to bed and he got me all sexually excited, he locked and fingered me and then worked vasoline all up inside me and he layed me on my belly and, eventually, he pit his entire cock inside me slowly, and I remember the discomfort I first felt, but eventually, ut started to feel alright, and after ten min's or so, he started fucking me and eventually, he came inside me. Ill never forget the Surpremes were singing on the television (it was in fact, a Sat night) and Ill bet the show was Soul Train. This situation with him lasted over 2 years. Then one day, I just quite going over there. That really happen. Heres what I know. My direction was set before this encounter bit clearly, it did establish and set my sexual direction for the rest of my life It's been impossible to connect with an appropriately aged and properly situated man where I live, because, I think, It appears that somewhere around or above 90 % of the gay or bi male subjects here are, essentially, their all fucking bottoms. Their the competition, AND THEIR WINNING! I sit descretely on the side lines, and study certain women who i find attractive. Especially fashion related. I prefer the more casual manner of fashion as how they normally dress and are seen out in public. Im totally committed to being gay. But my sexual needs within being that is as a transvestite. It has been and still is, a very intense, sexually exciting and therefore fifilling and completely satisfying experience for me. The photos i produce and show you are of me. Here at home. These newest one's are after i have invested more $$$ to enjoy, just a little more time as Effiee. The short black spIky punky wig is OUT! WHAT WAS I THINKIN!? for now, thank you. Effiee ************************************************* This is the result of the transgender COGIATI test i recently took. ANDROGYNE You scored 45% female. COGIATI classification THREE, ANDROGYNE What this means is that the Combined Gender Identity And Transsexuality Inventory has classified your internal gender identity to be essentially androgynous, both male and female at the same time, or possibly neither. In some cultures in history, you would be considered to be a third sex, independent of the polarities of masculine or feminine. Your gender issues are intrinsic to your construction, and you will most likely find your happiness playing with expressing both genders as you feel like it. SUGGESTIONS FOR ACTION: Your situation is a little tricky in our current society, but not tremendously so, depending on your geographic location. The suggestions for your circumstance are not overly complicated. 1. If you have any comfortability about your gender expression, some slight degree of counseling might well prove helpful. The primary goal would be to make it possible for you to enjoy your gender expressions free from any shame or embarrassment, and to resolve any remaining questions you might have. 2. As an androgynous being, both genders, and both sexes are natural to your expression. Permanent polarization in either direction might bring significant unhappiness. It is not recommended that you go through a complete transsexual transformation. You might find a partial transformation of value, if you find yourself more attracted overall to the feminine. You are more likely a transgenderist, than a transsexual. It is recommended that you recognize that your gender issues are real, but that extreme action regarding them should be viewed with great caution. 3. If you have not already, consider joining any of the thousands of groups devoted to gender play of various varieties. There is literally a world of friends to discover who share your interests. There are also publications, vacations, and activities that would expand your gender play.